When we are in a relationship, every place we have been wounded in the past comes up. It may not come up into your conscious awareness but your body feels and holds all the traumatic memories of the past that have not been processed and healed and these wounds can fester and run our lives….and our choices in relationships.

See: “How To Identify Emotional Neediness”

Though you long to have a loving relationship in the present the parts of you that may have never experienced that can get in the way and block that from happening, When we are not given the nurturance and emotional attunement in the womb and as babies and children then it becomes difficult to trust others and to trust ourselves.. You may never have experienced what it is like to be “seen, heard, felt” but are very familiar with feeling unsafe, scared, shamed, and overwhelming “aloneness” when you were needing connection, hugs, and attunement... As children we are like “little hostages” as we are completely vulnerable and dependent on our caregivers for survival and there is no way to escape except by complying and stuffing our emotions: fight/flight/freeze. So fast forward we can be like “sheep among wolves”( in our relationship choices that set us up to choose Mr. or Miss Wrong)) but we are unable to discern “danger ahead” and to protect ourselves until we give those wounded parts created by childhood trauma to receive attention so healing can begin.

RED FLAGS FOR AVOIDING MR.AND MISS WRONG:

FAMILIAR DOES NOT MEAN “GOOD OR HEALTHY OR SAFE”

Mr.or Miss Wrong may feel like a “great”relationship choice to you initially. And over time the reality sets in and you start to notice more issues that come up with your partner that feel familiar (as does your experience) Your partner may not express affection freely or know how to communicate openly, has angry tirades, is impulsive, lacks empathy and does not encourage you but is critical\shaming\blaming and you often feel like you did as a child. You feel that “something is wrong with you”(internalized shame) when conflicts come up as your partner is not accountable for their part as your parents were not accountable to this day for their part... That has been what you have become accustomed to rather than a partner that is “safe”, engages and is present(not perfect) but self-aware and sensitive to you and your needs not just their own needs or preferences. All of this is “familiar” as well as “toxic”. “Familiar does not mean good,or healthy or safe”.

YOUR BOUNDARIES ARE NOT HONORED

Another familiar experience you may be having with mr. or Miss Wrong is being and feeling intruded upon. As a child rather than your boundaries being honored and you being protected and feeling safe. Your voice was not heard. .t Now you struggle to use your voice as an adult and unconsciously choose a partner who does not know how to or have any desire to care and to listen, to hear your voice or your emotional reality. Mr. or Miss Wrong only care about themselves. .. Boundaries are for our protection. In healthy relationships, boundaries provide a foundation where we can feel safe in our bodies and with another without intrusion so that we can truly show up and be our authentic selves.

ANGER MGT ISSUES: EMOTIONAL\PHYSICAL ABUSE

How we manage our emotions when under stress is a critical element in our mental health and our relationships.. .If you are in a relationship where you do not feel emotionally or physically safe then that is a red flag that you need to address not deny or minimize. Moving on and getting help so that this cycle of abuse and the effects of having to live on “high alert” with Mr. or Miss Wrong who has a “short fuse” cannot be an option for you anymore. There is help available and you can get ‘unstuck” as you seek help and heal! courageously

THE “RIGHT” NYC TRAUMA AND RELATIONAL TRAUMA THERAPIST CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE

I would be honored to walk along side of you and guide you,encourage you, on this amazing healing journey so that the cycle of choosing Mr. or Miss Wrong is broken forever and you will heal from the inside out!!

Give me a call so we can begin!