UNHEALED RELATIONSHIP WOUNDS

You may be struggling with a history of unhealed trauma: physical, emotional, (abuse, neglect, abandonment)l) and the deep wounding that it can cause. As an effect of your trauma, you may have difficulty accessing who is a safe” person for you to be in a relationship with. So important to know that this familiar pattern does not have to be a life sentence” .

There is help and there is hope for you. These chains of bondage can be broken. You may be dealing with depression and anxiety and your relationships are reflecting how you are feeling about yourself. And what you had hoped could be a healthy loving relationship that would be healing has not turned out that way and is actually “reinjuring” you.

Unhealed wounds from past relationships can significantly interfere with your ability to connect in new, healthy ways. When you carry the baggage of past hurt, it often colors your perception of new partners and situations. You might find yourself reacting to small, seemingly innocent actions with heightened sensitivity, interpreting them through the lens of past pain.

For instance, if your last relationship ended with betrayal or dishonesty, you might approach a new partner with suspicion, reading their intentions as hidden or deceptive, even when they have done nothing to warrant such a view. This instinct to guard yourself becomes a barrier to true vulnerability and intimacy, essential elements of any meaningful connection.

Moreover, unhealed wounds can lead you to project feelings onto your new partner. If you've dealt with abandonment in the past, it’s easy to misconstrue their need for personal space as a sign they are leaving you, triggering feelings of anxiety and fear. Such emotional triggers can create conflict, causing friction that might not even be about the current relationship but rather about old scars that have not yet healed.

You may also find yourself comparing your new partner to your ex, often unfavorably. Each moment of joy or connection can be tinged with doubt as you grapple with fears of repeating past mistakes. This comparison can rob you of the chance to fully appreciate the unique qualities of your new relationship, leading to dissatisfaction and disconnection.

Healing requires self-reflection and openness to the past, allowing you to process these experiences rather than simply bury them. It’s essential to acknowledge how they affect your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, particularly in new relationships. Doing so allows you to engage with your partner openly and honestly, fostering a deeper connection built on trust.

As you work towards healing, remind yourself that it’s possible to move forward without the shadow of past wounds dictating your future. By addressing these issues and demonstrating self-compassion, you can cultivate healthier relationships that honor both your past and your growth.

THE FOUNDATION OF ‘TRUST” IS MISSING

Just as when you build a house: the house needs to have a firm steady well built foundation. If the house does not have the proper foundation then it will not be able to stand when there are storms, storms of rain, wind, snow. The foundation enables the house to stand “through it all”. It is the same with a relationship. In a healthy relationship “trust” is the foundation that has been built so that when the storms of life try to take it down(and there will be many as life is hard) the relationship can strongly stand as : “trust" upholds it and keeps it safe.

Trust can only be developed in a relationship over time and is a process that takes time and effort as you discern: is this someone I can truly “trust’ based on what I “know” to be true .. it s important that you “guard your heart” and not just let anyone come in based on your feelings but on what you “know to be TRUE. . Sexual attraction, financial success, good looks, charismatic personality, talent, will not hold up your house as you go through the storms of life but the foundation of TRUST based on integrity,honesty, vulnerability, compassion, boundaries, self-awareness, accountability and a “prayer life” can help to keep you bonded in love.

LACK OF COMPASSION\HARDENED HEART

Compassion is not just being in a relationship and caring how someone else feels but doing whatever you can to help in their healing, So when we are compassionate then we can be a true friend not a “counterfeit” not a “enabler” not a “people pleaser” and not just when everything is going well for us but when we may also be going through a crisis but our heart can stay open to caring about the other who is going through.. Compassion can emulate from the words you speak(“out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”) as well as the timing and tone of your words, as well as your facial expression and body language..

Sometimes there is nothing you can say but a loving touch may be needed. In relationships, compassion is an essential element of how we can care about and love each other while maintaining healthy boundaries at the same time. Speaking the “truth in love” can make so much difference. When this element of compassion is missing in your relationship then it is a wake-up call you need to notice. Often where lack of compassion is seen in relationships it goes hand and hand with shaming and blaming as well as lack of accountability.

NOT FEELING “SAFE”

Feeling safe in a relationship is foundational to your personal growth and development as an individual. When you genuinely know that your partner fully accepts you for who you are, it creates a nurturing environment where you can truly be yourself without reservations. This profound sense of security allows you to freely express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of judgment or potential rejection. Imagine being able to share your deepest fears, aspirations, or dreams without having to worry about how the other person will react—how liberating that can be!

In a safe relationship, your vulnerabilities are met with kindness, understanding, and empathy. This acceptance fosters a culture of openness, encouraging you to explore aspects of your personality that you might have hidden away due to past experiences or insecurities that have held you back.

Moreover, safety in a relationship also means that conflicts can be navigated with a sense of respect and genuine care. Instead of fearing confrontation and what it might lead to, you learn to approach disagreements as valuable opportunities for growth and mutual understanding. In a supportive relationship, both partners can voice their concerns and collaboratively work through problems, strengthening the bond that connects you more deeply.

When you feel genuinely safe, you’re much more likely to take meaningful risks, whether that’s pursuing a new passion, exploring a different side of your personality, or bravely stepping out of your comfort zone. Your partner becomes someone you can lean on during transformative phases in your life, which makes it much easier to navigate changes together as a unified team.

Feeling accepted and loved in this nurturing environment can be profoundly empowering, enabling you to embrace your true self, quirks and all, so you can shine confidently. When safety is prioritized in your relationship, you not only enhance your own well-being and growth but also contribute significantly to the richness and depth of the relationship itself. Ultimately, a strong, safe partnership can act as a powerful catalyst for personal development, leading to a more fulfilled, authentic, and rewarding life for both individuals involved.

THE “RIGHT THERAPIST CAN REALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

If what I am saying resonates with you and you are struggling in relationships I would love to help you to have relationships where there is compassion and trust so that you can heal on a deep level. it is time to give yourself the attention you so need so you can move forward with compassion not just for others but for yourself as well. Looking forward to your call