In all of the years that I have been working with trauma survivors one theme comes up over and over and that is how much self hatred has been internalized. As children we are totally dependent on our caregivers and if you were abused, neglected, or abandoned: you very likely blamed yourself. When we are children we are egocentric which means we believe we cause all the pain we are experiencing and that as we continue to grow up this lie becomes part of our identity.Your mind was trained to believe that whenever things go wrong or when you are mistreated that you are the problem and your self loathing began to run your life. This way of thinking may be completely unconscious to you so it is my hope that as you read this that you truly consider what I am saying and the effects that your self hatred which has been fueled by shame has had on you.
As an adult you may have been retraumatized as well as the choices that you have made have caused you much pain and suffering. You may have never worked through your grief, and anger as you are constantly attempting to avoid your pain but running away from you has increased your disconnectedness with yourself and those close to you.You may have no words at this point to describe your emotions and as a result you have difficulty expressing yourself and often feel alone and neglected, frusrated, angry.. The core belief that you are worthless and bad has hidden the truth: that you were never the problem and that the love and time and validation that you needed was not provided and you blamed yourself and all your anger and sadness was internalized. The truth is that you were and are lovable and precious and were surrounded by those who were not able to see and love, nurture and value you..you were left with a broken heart that desperately needs to be healed.
It is essential to give yourself the time and the space and freedom to heal from this deep wounding. In seeking therapy it is so important to have the "right" therapist":one that provides the understanding and validation combined with heart and knowledge. You then have the opportunity to develop trust as the therapeutic bond can be life changing...you can begin to identify what you think and feel in a safe supportive relationship where you can grow and change and become fully alive...no longer allowing the lies that you believed about yourself to guide and direct you but now to walk in the truth that will set you free!
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