Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
One of the roots of depression is shame and shame fuels depression. There is a battle with yourself that affects your mind and heart and needs attention and care so that healing can begin. The root of shame must be pulled up and new seeds of hope and restoration be planted and the chain of depression be broken.
Are you struggling with fear of abandonment issues that get in the way and interfere with your relationships? Do you feel anxious about confronting issues with your partner as you fear rejection can lead to abandonment? Do you have difficulties setting boundaries and tend to be a “pleaser” as you fear abandonment if you are authentically “you”?
Porn addiction has little or nothing to do with sex. It is caused and fueled by childhood relational trauma. It is important to know that healing is not about mainly focusing on the behavior but processing the roots of trauma so that you can truly begin to connect with yourself and those you love rather than disconnect.
When a baby is born and raised in an environment where the baby is nurtured and cared for emotionally and physically by a mother who is able to give and understand the babies needs the baby develops an expectation of being cared for and internalizes the relationship with the mother/caregiver and experiences that life giving bond as a part of him/herself.
Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we have internalized shame we have a part of us that feels that we have no value and that part can become a harsh “inner critic” as we grow and develop.. Our negative beliefs about ourselves and painful emotions that we have not been able to process are then stored in our bodies. This is how our minds and bodies are created to respond to our having experienced childhood abuse, neglect, abandonment, and insecure attachment with those who were in the position to protect nurture, and love us but were not able to.
Being able to choose "safe" people is one of the most important choices you can ever make. When we surround ourselves with "unsafe" people there are many consequences. And the patterns can be familiar from your childhood and relationships with your caregivers.. The "unsafe" choices that we make reflect how we feel about ourselves and reveal how our wounded parts need to be addressed so that we can begin the healing process and have connected authentic relationships that are safe.
Who we choose to be in a relationship with gives us a lot of information about what is happening inside us. You may be discouraged as your relationship progresses and wonder how you missed some of the red flags you now see but do not blame and shame yourself but use this as an opportunity to get the help you need so you can heal from the inside-out!!
When we are in a relationship where we feel alone rather than connected, many thoughts and feelings can come to the surface..You may be feeling even more alone in your relationship and better when you are alone. Yet you hope to feel good together but it is not happening and you do not know what to do. We all feel alone in relationships at times . Important to notice is this a season in your relationship or a pattern that has developed over time? Either way, there is alot you can do to start to feel more connected.
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