WHEN NO ONE HEARD YOUR CRY
When you have grown up in a family where your emotional needs were not acknowledged and your cries (audible or inaudible) were not heard then you very likely began to feel alone and “unworthy”. and shamed and blamed yourself and your cries became “muffled”.. Since your cries went unheard you then began to stuff your cry and “shut down” your emotions. Now you may be struggling to have authentic connected relationships but the wounded “little girl” or “little boy” part of you is also struggling to feel “safe and “confident” as you have been “disconnected” from you.
.Your parents may have been busy working and completely unconscious of what they needed to give to you emotionally and spiritually (or physically there but emotionally and spiritually unavailable and disconnected) and thought that money, food, and home were all that was needed for them to provide and for you to thrive.. That belief may very well have become normalized in your family, and you began to believe that “I was raised in a good family” (yet you may often feel like an outsider, an “obligation” or a visitor who does not belong) and yet you now are starting to be aware how wounded you are and that you were injured emotionally by having been emotionally neglected.
Yes, you paid a price for your “muffled cries". But you did what you needed to do in order to survive. See: ” How To Identify Effects Of Trauma”
Childhood emotional neglect can create a profound impact on your sense of self and your relationships with others. When emotional needs are overlooked, you may internalize the belief that your feelings are unimportant or not worth expressing. This can lead to a distorted view of yourself, where you feel inadequate or unworthy of love and attention.
As you grow older, this internalization might manifest as a fear of vulnerability. You may find it difficult to connect with others, tending to keep your feelings and thoughts to yourself. The belief that your emotions do not matter can lead you to dismiss your needs, pushing you to prioritize others at your own expense. This dynamic can strain relationships, as you may struggle to recognize or articulate your emotional needs, leaving you feeling isolated and misunderstood.
Moreover, childhood emotional neglect can hinder your ability to trust others. You might question their intentions or await disappointment, as your formative experiences taught you that emotional support is unreliable. This mistrust can create barriers in relationships, preventing you from forming solid connections and feeling secure with those around you.
On a personal level, the effects of emotional neglect might manifest in feelings of shame or guilt. You may experience a constant internal dialogue that tells you you’re not doing enough or that you’re failing in relationships. This can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and a sense of emptiness, making it challenging to cultivate a positive self-image.
Recognizing the impact of childhood emotional neglect is the first step toward healing. By understanding how these experiences have shaped your beliefs and behaviors, you can begin to dismantle the internal narratives that limit your potential for self-acceptance and connection with others. Engaging in therapy or support groups can provide a safe space to explore these feelings and work towards reclaiming your emotional well-being
THE EFFECTS OF BEING UNHEARD AND UNSEEN
Emotional neglect is often more covert than sexual abuse or physical abuse but no less lethal or traumatic for a child. The reality is that children who are emotionally neglected are often the prime target for perpetrators. The message the emotionally neglected child receives is that “you are unnoticed and invisible” “your feelings and emotional needs are to be ignored rather than validated and nurtured” “your voice does not matter so don’t speak” and “you are a human doing rather than a human being” “trust and connection is not valued or offered here but” superficial chatter” and “people pleasing” will get you through”.
Childhood emotional neglect can leave deep and lasting imprints on how you view yourself and navigate relationships as an adult. When you feel unseen or unheard during your formative years, that significant absence can shape your self-image in profound and often challenging ways. You might frequently struggle with persistent feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy, which can overshadow your sense of self. It becomes increasingly difficult to recognize your own needs and desires, leading to a distorted perception of your self-worth.
In relationships, this emotional neglect often manifests itself as a deep-seated fear of intimacy or a tendency to withdraw from meaningful connections. You may have learned to expect emotional distance from others, assuming that your thoughts and feelings don’t carry any weight or significance. Consequently, you might find yourself overcompensating in your interactions—either by becoming overly accommodating and self-sacrificing towards others or, conversely, by keeping people at arm's length in order to protect yourself from the potential of being hurt.
When you don’t receive validation in childhood, it can create a persistent pattern where you continually seek approval from others, feeling as though your inherent value is contingent solely on external affirmation. You might struggle deeply to advocate for yourself or express your emotions effectively, fearing that your voice will once again go unheard and disregarded. This can lead to significant challenges in forming healthy, balanced relationships where mutual respect and understanding are present.
You may struggle with trust issues, feeling unsure of whether you can truly rely on others to be present and supportive in your life. The cycle of feeling overlooked may unintentionally repeat itself, even as an adult, as you unconsciously recreate dynamics that reflect your past experiences. Understanding the roots of these feelings can be a crucial and empowering step toward healing. By recognizing how childhood emotional neglect has profoundly influenced your self-image and relationship patterns, you open the door to developing a healthier sense of self and cultivating connections with others who feel safe, supportive, and fulfilling.
TIME TO LEARN HOW TO REPARENT AND NURTURE ‘YOU’
A loving parent hears the audible and inaudible cry of their child. You may have been “shutdown” so long that you feel ‘frozen” or maybe you can tear up easily but feel out of touch with what triggered your tears.
You may have developed over time a pattern of looking “outside” and “externalizing” as there was a part of you that hoped and believed your inner pain and woundedness could be relieved by externals(making alot of money, career success,relationships ,status, your appearance) But a good parent helps their child to feel and identify and verbalize what is going on “inside” Your lack of compassion for “the little boy” or “little girl” part of you that was not given the emotional and spiritual nurturance, validation and time you needed so desperately, and shame and blame reject that “vulnerable human, needy” part of you.
As you notice and allow yourself to feel your feelings as well as learn to regulate your emotions; becoming more self aware: you can then begin to give your inner child compassion, tenderness and kindness rather than shame and blame so healing can start. We live from the “inside out” not the “outside in”! See: “Benefits of Reparenting Yourself”
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE
Ir is important and essential to have the “right” therapist. I am not the “right” fit for everyone but for those that I am the “right’ fit for: I have seen many healed and changed lives! If you have been wounded and traumatized by childhood emotional neglect and are ready to go ‘deeper” in your relationship with yourself and others, then i would be honored to guide you on this amazing journey! Give me a call when you are ready to begin!
