Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
What does it mean to “honor” yoursel.f? It does not mean to be self absorbed or critical
But to courageously get to know who you are and develop a deep respect and
compassion for yourself:as well as a “voice” rather than stuffing what really matters
to you. As a trauma survivor you have been “dishonored” and now is time to
take back what was stolen and begin the healing process!
There are so many benefits when we open our hearts to loving and caring for a pet. This is especially true if you are a trauma survivor and have been wounded by people you trusted..One of the deepest wounds for trauma survivors is that your capacity to trust has been ruptured and now it is difficult and painful to trust people and difficult to trust yourself.. Opening your heart and your home to a new “family member with 4 legs” can be a big part of the healing process! You rescue and you will be rescued!
A trauma trigger is anything that consciously or unconsciously brings back the memory of your trauma. It is a trauma reminder. When we go through having experienced trauma it takes time and attention to process how we are feeling and how what happened to us has affected us.. When we are overloaded with traumatic stress we go into the fright/flight or freeze response which is our bodies way of protecting us. However, if you do not receive the support and help,attention that is needed then these responses can get stuck in these trauma responses which will block your healing .Trauma triggers are a wake up call to show you where you are wounded and where you need healing. Therapy can greatly help you to focus on what is needed for that wounded place to heal as in therapy you can become more aware of your unconscious “ trauma triggers” as well as your conscious “trauma triggers” and see your blind spots more clearly as you gain deeper understanding...
As a child you were completely dependent and vulnerable:”like a little hostage”. If your parents were emotionally unavailable and not equipped to nurture and protect you by providing safety for you then a deep wounding occurs in your soul. If your family was one where your emotions were ignored, criticized, shamed, then you got the message at an early age that it is not safe to be “you” and in order to “survive” became disconnected from yourself. To be intimate with another it is essential to be self aware, vulnerable, and accountable.
Have you been denying and avoiding the pain inside?
Do you constantly need validation and praise but even when you get it you feel it is not enough?Do you struggle with identifying your feelings and have difficulties verbalizing your wants and needs in a direct way? Do you often feel that you are “not good enough” Are you overly concerned about the needs of others and fear rejection and abandonment?
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Do you shame and blame yourself when you begin to have angry feelings?
Are you “exceedingly” grateful for every “crumb” given in your relationships?
Are you noticing that your life is out of balance and you are becoming more emotionally and spiritually shutdown and disconnected from yourself and others?
Is it is getting more and more difficult for you to set boundaries and limits on time you are
working? Is it difficult for you when it is time to leave work to know that it is time?
Do you constantly ruminate about work and strive for perfection?
Are you exhausted and yet you do not know how to rest?
Are you starting to see that your addiction to work is related to your history of trauma?
Have you stuffed and minimized what happened to you in an attempt to cope?
Are you wanting to move forward but feeling unable to move and “stuck”?
Are you in a battle in your mind constantly and filled with shame and guilt?
Are you feeling depressed and anxious most of the time but try to hide it?
Has the wounding to your self esteem colored how you feel about yourself?
Is it difficult and sometimes feeling impossible for you to “feel safe” and “to trust’?
Are you becoming more aware “of how you avoid you” and that it is difficult for you to connect with yourself and others and how your addiction(s) fuels this “stuck” place? How does the disconnection with yourself effect your life now? Do you have many distractions that enable you to “numb out” and remain disconnected from the “war” within? Do you avoid conflict by “any means necessary” rather than address what needs to be confronted? Are you struggling with depression and anxiety and have times of feeling “hopeless” that you can ever be truly healed from all the pain/shame inside? Do you have an overwhelming fear of rejection and abandonment that colors all of your relationships?
Are you starting to see and no longer deny and avoid the effects of your unhealed wounds in your relationship with yourself and those close to you? Have you been experiencing pain in your body as your memories and emotions are more difficult now for you to stuff and avoid your pain? Are you feeling overwhelmed and “stuck” by your woundedness and having difficulty moving forward? Are you starting to understand how essential it is for you to address your pain and no longer neglect yourself so that you can begin to heal?
Are you continually finding yourself struggling with trust issues? Do you find it difficult to know who you can trust and who is not trustworthy? Do you often make choices of letting people in that hurt you and cause you to doubt yourself rather then having healthy relationships with people that support you and encourage as well as challenge you to grow? Do you struggle with trusting yourself and your own impressions and perceptions? Do you expect to be rejected and betrayed rather than honored and loved?
