RELATIONSHIPS ARE TRIGGERS

When you are in a relationship every place where you are not healed comes up. It is like an emotional ultrasound that shows where the flow has been blocked by woundedness. To have a connected and alive, healthy relationship there needs to be a foundation built on trust, However, when we have a history of growing up in a family where you did not feel safe enough to develop a bond of trust then this goes with you and shows up in your adult relationships. You may have come into your relationship carrying wounds related to emotional, physical, and sexual, abuse and abandonment as well as neglect that have never been processed so that healing could take place. All of these wounds gers for you in your present relationship. Triggers are the traumatic memories or sensations from the past that feel like the same scenario is happening in the present. In therapy, you can identify and process your triggers so when they come up you can be aware of what you are feeling as well as learn how to regulate your emotions. Flashbacks are a sudden reliving of traumatic memories. What can help is to notice if the feeling alone together is familiar and when that began.See:”How Childhood Trauma Effects Adult Relationships”

TIME TO STRENGTHEN YOUR SELF-AWARENESS AND COMMUNICATION MUSCLES

Just like when we go to the gym and we press through to get our muscles stronger and bigger you need to press in so that your self-awareness and communication muscles are strengthened. Your relationship with yourself must be nurtured so that you can truly show up and know what you are feeling and understand that we live from the inside out not the outside in. Yes, our circumstances are always changing and yet there needs to be a core inside of us that stays stable and resilient. Putting your thoughts and feelings into words and communicating with your partner about the “aloneness” you are experiencing in your relationship without blaming can help.. Talk about when you started to feel alone together and the times when you felt connected and that things were working in your relationship: so you can repeat that pattern.. Listening to your partner’s experience of your relationship can be enlightening. Be sure to set and keep your boundaries To build an intimate relationship both partners must have: Self-awareness, vulnerability, and accountability. To communicate effectively you both need to be able to identify and communicate what you are thinking and feeling Vulnerability is what happens when there is a foundation of trust and each partner can authentically show up without feeling judged or rejected by the other. Accountability is also essential in building intimacy as there are no secrets( but you do need boundaries) and honesty and transparency are valued and nurtured by each other.

See:”Red Flags Of A Unhealthy Relationship”

GETTING THE “TERMITES” OUT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

“Termites” can destroy a home and Termites” can destroy a relationship. “Termites” can destroy intimacy as they feed “aloneness” if we do not courageously confront their effects on us individually and in the relationship. Important to not stuff and ignore your feelings as well as reality.. Infidelity, lies, anger, sadness, betrayal, and addictions (food, porn, sex, drugs, alcohol, work) are all “termites” and they cause the foundation of trust and love, truth, to weaken, and eventually the relationship cannot stand. If we have secrets that are destroying the foundation of our relationship then it is essential to not deny or minimize what is happening. If betrayal is an issue then it needs to be addressed and healed over time and avoiding conflict will not solve the problem but just increase it. This is where individual and couples therapy can make a big difference as healing can only begin when “termites” are evicted and truth honesty, and connection begin to flourish. See:” How To Speak The Truth in Love”

THE “RIGHT NYC RELATIONSHIP THERAPIST CAN HELP!

Would love to walk alongside you and help you on this transformative healing journey where “aloneness” is not leading but connection and flourishing are taking the front seat! Give me a call at www.roneemillercounseling.com/contact

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