“ATTACHMENT WOUNDS AND INSECURE ATTACHMENT”
When we grow up in a family where our caregivers were unable to give us what we needed emotionally to form a ‘secure attachment “ bond then we were wounded deeply at a time when we were completely helpless and vulnerable and overwhelmed with feelings of “aloneness”. Your caregivers may have been physically present but “emotional attunement” which is so essential was not part of your experience.
“Emotional Attunement” is the foundation of forming a “secure attachment”: as we all want and need to be seen and noticed, heard and listened to whether with words or body language and nonverbal cues and given focused attention when we are babies and the touch or lack of touch from caregivers was not fueled with sensitivity and love then we grow up feeling in our bodies all the implicit memories of not feeling safe, loved, seen, heard, noticed and we internalized a deep sense of aloneness especially when we have felt overwhelmed with emotion and even more alone.
.So when we grow up and are in relationships where intimacy and connection are so important then we may be especially triggered when feeling misunderstood, and when our emotions are not validated or noticed and then we feel a sense of overwhelming frustration and aloneness which blocks our forming a “secure attachment” where our attachments wounds can begin to heal.
To form a “secure attachment” it is essential that both you and your partner or your friend or family member are “emotionally attuned” and make that a value in your relationship. The following are what is needed for “emotional attunement” to flourish and for you to be able to heal from the inside
“ESSENTIALS FOR EMOTIONAL ATTUNEMENT”
FEELING SAFE
To feel and experience “emotional attunement” there has to be “safety” If we do not feel safe then we will not be able to give or to receive “emotional attunement:”. Feeling safe within our bodies comes first and then noticing how we feel and what our bodies are telling us when in a relationship. This can only take place when over time we feel and know that we are seen and heard and noticed rather than shamed, blamed, judged or abused in any way.. Emotional attunement requires “safety” to grow as without safety the soil is not prepared for the seeds to be planted
BEING FULLY PRESENT
For “emotional attunement” to thrive there needs to be “presence”. This means that our attention and focus is on what is going on emotionally with ourselves( but not just ourselves) and are truly present to connect in the here and now. That means noticing and listening and being able to be in the moment. Noticing how the other is feeling and listening to what they are saying: not only the words that they speak but the tone as well as your tone and body language from a place of listening with your heart and not mainly your mind. That is fertile ground for attachment wounds to be healed as you each experience what “emotional attunement” feels like.
DEVELOPING CURIOSITY AND VULNERABILITY
Curiosity starts with you becoming more curious about what is going on inside of you emotionally and noticing the sensations in your body. So important to stop the shaming and blaming and develop a lighter gentle touch so that you can begin to truly allow yourself to feel your feelings possibly for the first time without judging them and have words to articulate this as well. Vulnerability can only take place when we feel safe enough to share what is going on with us inside . When you allow curiosity and vulnerability to come into your relationships there can be a new vitality and connection in your relationships that will fuel “emotional attunement” as well as a secure attachment where attachment wounds can begin to heal.
THERAPY WITH THE “RIGHT NYC TRAUMA THERAPIST” CAN MAKE ALL THE DIFFERENCE
If you are ready to address and to feel and to heal your wounds caused by attachment trauma then you came to the right place. I will walk every step with you by your side as you “experience” that you are not alone on this healing journey and begin to flourish from the inside out,. You will no longer be defined by your traumatic history but you can become fully alive and thrive in the present as you experience a secure attachment as we move forward together! I look forward to hearing from you. Give me a call so we can meet at my NYC home office.