You may be struggling now with relationships as everywhere we are not healed with be “revealed” in intimate relationships and may not have understood that your struggles are related to childhood trauma. Also, relationships can allow you to see places where you have been wounded in the past and need healing as relationships can be “triggers”. See “Understanding The Effects Of Childhood Emotional Neglect”
So, if you grew up in a home where your boundaries were violated, where you were intruded upon, where those who were supposed to protect you and nurture you actually injured you. Where no one was there to hear your cry, and you were related to as a “human doing” rather than a “human being” then very” likely you internalized that belief and have become emotionally shutdown. Though you went through all of the above or some of it: you may have thought “I had a good childhood: as your trauma became normalized in your family’s dysfunctional system. You may now struggle with depression and anxiety, low frustration tolerance, as well as not understanding the roots of your issues. You may burst out in tears at times but have no idea what truly induced your sadness or feel extremely frustrated and not understand what has been triggered. See “Men Breaking The Silence of Childhood Sexual Abuse”
When you are not given the attention, protection, time and physical, emotional, spiritual nurturance that every child needs in order to develop a healthy sense of self and others then it becomes difficult to identify and notice what you are feeling or what your loved one is feeling. It can be even more difficult to feel safe enough to identify and share what is going on inside of you with another. If no one noticed and helped you to find words for your emotions than now as an adult this can be an ongoing area of stress and frustration: as you desperately need to discover and use your “authentic voice” so you can communicate and connect in your relationships.
If you have experienced childhood trauma then it can be an uphill battle to become truly intimate in your relationships. The following are three essential elements of healthy intimate relationships that you may be struggling with.
1.SELF AWARENESS
Becoming self-aware means developing an internal focus and getting to know what you really believe and value and identifying the issues you need to address in order to heal and move forward. To begin noticing the connection between your mind and your body, and spirit as well as being clear on what are your strengths and what areas are you struggling with. Part of self-awareness is connecting the dots related to how your childhood trauma history has affected you as an adult and becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings and learning how to communicate effectively with others. Therapy can be a great benefit in helping you to give yourself the attention and self-care that you did not receive as child and begin to heal,
2. VULNERABILITY
Feeling and knowing you are safe enough to trust another is what will allow you to be vulnerable. This is another area that when you have experienced not being safe as a child when you were most vulnerable can be a struggle as an adult. Being vulnerable means, you can identify and communicate what you are truly thinking and feeling as you feel safe enough to truly show up. In order to truly connect in your relationships: vulnerability is essential and part of your healing.
.3.ACCOUNTABILITY
Accountability means being a person of character and taking responsibility for your actions and words not blaming or defending yourself when you clearly have missed the mark. Being accountable comes from inner strength, knowing your issues and clarity about having a standard that you value keeping for yourself and in your relationships. It is not about shaming yourself and believing the lie that “I am a mistake:” or shaming and blaming your loved one. In order to have healthy communication where trust is valued it is essential to build a foundation and to make wise choices to have relationships with others who also value trust and accountability.
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST IS “ESSENTIAL” FOR YOUR “HEALING JOURNEY”
The “right” therapist can make a great difference in your life. If you are ready and willing to start this amazing healing journey, then I would be honored to walk with you! please give me a call.