The words we speak and the timing and the tone, of our words, our facial expression can make such a difference. You may have grown up in a chaotic family where rather than your parents speaking the truth in love were yelling, cursing, criticizing, and shaming you and each other.. The truth spoken in love can nurture and can be received much more easily when a relationship has the foundation built on trust and safety. So now you are an adult and in a relationship and may very well be struggling with speaking the truth in love as well as receiving the truth in love. When we feel safe and secure in a relationship then one of the gifts we can give each other is speaking the truth in love so that each of us can grow and stretch past our comfort zones so that transformation individually and in the relationship can start to take place. The following are essential for you to be able to speak the truth in love to yourself and others and for you to be open to receiving the truth spoken in love. Know that in healthy relationships: “iron sharpens iron'“ so that both people can stretch past their comfort zones so change and growth happen.
See: ”Benefits of Reparenting Yourself”
FEAR OF REJECTION AND ABANDONMENT
As a child when you spoke up and used your voice you may have experienced rejection rather than being heard and understood You may continue to fear rejection when you speak the truth in love and so you stuff your thoughts and feelings and often become shut down and angrier as a result. When we are children we are completely dependent on our caregivers and can be like little ‘hostages” but you are no longer in that position as an adult no matter how you feel emotionally. So important to remember that as it will help you to courageously speak the truth in love rather than implode.
SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE TO YOURSELF
We are all talking to ourselves all the time so how we talk to ourselves and about ourselves is critical. If you are thinking and believing every shaming negative thought and feeling you have and not challenging that voice as a loving parent would do by speaking the truth to yourself in love then all those negative thoughts and feelings which are seeds will have a harvest of depression and anxiety. Yes, we need to be accountable but shaming and blaming have to be a thing of the past as well as not making peace with powerlessness!
.SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE TO OTHERS
So as you already can see that before we can speak the truth to others in love we have to have our own voice. When we speak the truth in love our focus is not on whether the other will like us or not but that in order to have integrity as a foundation in our relationships then we need to “show up” authentically. If we want to be connected in relationships then we will need to let go of the fear of rejection and abandonment and confront what needs to be confronted by speaking the truth in love. See: “How To Stop People Pleasing”
THE “RIGHT” THERAPIST CAN HELP YOU TO SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE
If you are struggling with relationship issues and blocked in the areas that I am describing then I would love to help you to become able to speak the truthi= in love first to yourself and then to those you love. please give me a call so we can start this amazing healing journey!