Trust Is To Be Earned
You may be in a relationship now where once again you feel extremely alone and unloved and are wondering how you got back to this familiar and painful place once again. You were initially attracted to this person and now you need to re-evaluate that as you now are believing and seeing as well as feeling that you have made big mistake and are now living in bondage. It is important to see how our relationship choices can reveal how we truly feel about ourselves. Trust is essential as the foundation in any healthy relationship but often so many do not really understand that trust is: to be earned.....This may be a new concept for you but as you become more clear on seeing how trust is an essential building block in a healthy relationship you will also open your eyes to identify and focus on how character counts and what to look for and what to avoid so that you don't have toxic relationships running your life as there are serious consequences
TOXIC CHARACTER TRAITS:RED FLAGS
1. Control and Manipulation
How important it is for you to have your own voice and to have your own opinion and to be able to freely speak without fear of abandonment, rejection, put down or abuse, If you are in a toxic relationship with a controlling and manipulative person then daily living can fee like you are walking on eggs and this can cause depression and anxiety as well have an extremely negative effect on your physical health and immune system as the mind, body and spirit are all connected. You may have had a very similar relational experience during your childhood and are a trauma survivor.( you were like a "little hostage" and this can be familiar as well as retraumatizing). Take time to notice the patterns that keep repeating in your relationships as you are the "common denominator". In healthy relationships two people can agree to disagree and still remain connected and loving as well as respectful of one another .In order for a healthy relationship to develop there are essential ingredients such as your boundaries being respected and accountability rather than manipulation and control. Accountability can only happen when a person is willing and able to take responsibility for their actions. Control and manipulative are not love but deep character issues.
2. Lack of Empathy and Selfishness
Empathy is the capacity to get out of self focused thinking and put oneself in the other's shoes. It is a quality of the heart that the hard hearted and hard headed do not have. A person who has empathy can listen and 'hear" past the words you are speaking and have an understanding of what you are feeling. Whether they agree or disagree with what you are feeling is not the point but to show up for you with an open heart and mind is.. A good friend has an empathic spirit. The truth can be spoken in love without fear of the others reaction.
3. Unaware and Unable to Control Angry Outbursts
Domestic Violence This can take the form of angry outbursts as well as emotional .and verbal abuse and can often quickly escalate to physical violence .If you are in a situation like this please know it is unacceptable and you need the courage to leave and be in a safe place immediately! Don't excuse this...you need to get out!. Your life matters and is precious!
There are many other toxic character traits that you want to avoid as well but avoiding these three will help you to begin to be on "safe ground' .
Therapy can greatly help you to speed up the process of avoiding toxic relationships, please give me a call if you would like to start to have healthy relationships as it all begins with you!
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