If you have had a childhood history of the "wound" of rejection then the effects of this can continue to feel paralyzing to you as an adult. When we have had critical, rigid, and judgmental caregivers as children we learn at an early age how painful rejection can feel and how it can shut us down emotionally. Our bodies hold these traumatic memories and are often the cause of physical pain and illnesses. Fear of rejection can also be a setup to be a "parentified child" which means that rather than your emotional and physical needs being nurtured by your caregivers that you then are in the role of the parent taking care of your parent. At the root of this is shame and the belief that you are not lovable (which is a lie from the pit) and that in order to avoid rejection that you have to fulfill the expectations of your parents no matter how you think or feel in order to survive. You may not have understood how your underlying shame has been fueling a deep fear of rejection and the consequences to this in your relationships.
Maybe you were told as you were growing up(with words, facial expressions/actions)that you were too fat too skinny or your color was too dark or too light or maybe you were criticized and rejected in your choice of clothes, friends, or even having your own opinion. Maybe each time you spoke up you were verbally or physically abused or sexually abused and eventually you began to expect and fear that when you are in a relationship that there will be pain and rejection(and you have to comply).
You have difficulties setting consistent boundaries and limits as there is an underlying fear that if you do this that you will be rejected, however, when you do not set the boundaries and limits then you once again are in that familiar and toxic soup of walking on eggs and not being able to be who you truly are and in the end there is pain added to pain. There is much too great a price you have been paying due to your fear of rejection. You may be continually accepting familiar and unhealthy situations where you "survive" rather than "thrive".
As you become more aware of what is going on inside my prayer and belief for you is that you will begin to no longer reject yourself and that as you walk courageously you will have relationships that reflect your true value. Therapy can be extremely helpful at this point in connecting the dots of your life and the patterns that need to be broken as well the transformation of a new beautiful tapestry:that is you!
I would be honored to walk along this transformative journey with you!
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