Trauma bonds can be extremely challenging to navigate as this bonding touches our deepest wounds. The intertwining between love and fear that began when we had no defenses to protect ourselves needs time and attention to heal. As we connect the dots and give and receive the attention and care we need: we are beginning the healing process to move into freedom and come out of bondage!
When we are emotionally neglected as children our nervous system does the best it can to go into survival mode in an atttempt to protect us ... Since we are completely dependent and vulnerable and unable to “fight or flee” so we go into“freeze” response where we are numb and emotionally shut down in an attempt to not feel our fear and our pain. When no one hears or listens to our “cry” we lose hope as our emotional needs are not noticed or given attention and we feel like we do not exist..Over time our “little child” part gets more frozen and “stuck” and has difficulty moving forward and begins to internalize the emotional neglect and we as adults then begin to neglect ourselves emotionally and due to lack of hope and feelings of helplessness develop a pattern of procrastination and the root is “childhood emotional neglect”.
When we were the most vulnerable and dependent and “emotionally needy(”as we all have been as children )it can feel like a cry deep in our soul when no one hears or seems to care about us. Our mind, will and emotions are what define our soul. For many of us who have been “ traumatically wounded” in childhood: the message we received was that we will not have our emotional reality nurtured or have anyone who can help us to process our emotions in a” healthy” way. You may be becoming more and more aware and of the consequences that are affecting your self-esteem and your relationships as the“little boy or girl part” got stuck in a pattern of “emotional neediness” that needs to be healed so you can move on with hope and start to. understand what is going on inside of you emotionally physically: and spiritually. You may have stuffed your emotions and are now becoming more aware of the consequences related to your childhood trauma.
The way that we learn to connect with others in our relationships is called “attachment style” .Our parents and caregivers play a crucial role i the style of “attachment'‘ we develop.. When as children those adults who are closest are unable to nurture us and be responsive to our needs then in order to survive we often “shut down” emotionally. An“avoidant attachment style” develops as a survival response to fear,, anxiety and feelings of rejection and abandonment.as there is a lack of a secure connection and trust.
Doormats are exploited and dumped on. Doormats are used and often abused. Doormats do not have a voice. Before you can stop being a doormat it is essential that you actually begin to identify and see what the qualities of a doormat are. You may have been well-trained since early childhood to stuff your feelings and your voice and to be a “people pleaser”. and now you feeling depleted and believe the lie that you are powerless.but you are not!!
Do you feel like you are just pedaling in place and not moving forward?
Has making decisions and following through become extremely difficult for you?
Do you keep delaying and putting off what you know you need to address?
Do you “beat yourself up” and “ruminate” and feel “stuck” in this pattern?
Are you neglecting yourself inside and out as everything feels like a chore?
Being able to “value yourself” is so essential as how you feel about yourself will effect your relationships and every area of your life. You may have grown up in a home where positive words, and encouragement, affection, were rarely or never part of your life and now you struggle with having a loving and healthy connection with yourself and others
As a trauma survivor it is so important to begin to feel safe in your body as when you experience trauma: which is anything so overwhelming that at the moment it is too frightening to process then the nervous system is holding the memories and feelings you could not process.. In an effort to protect yourself from feeling you may be in a shutdown or “frozen” state which makes it difficult for you to heal and become fully alive and safe in your body.
It is so important that no matter what circumstances you are in that being able to stay calm will help you to focus and have more clarity and energy as well as make better choices . .When you find yourself having trouble staying calm and frequently feeling stressed in a medley of circumstances and situations then it may be the time to no longer avoid but to begin to understand and to change this pattern from the inside out.
